My girlfriend got home from work and I spent less time than usual getting ready. (The trick is to get dressed while still in motion so the functional paralysis doesn’t get ya). I struggle with many things, a panic disorder, some bacne, time management is definitely one of them.
Where was I? Getting ready! So I was freaking out a bit because of the state of our… State. So my a** wore some hiking boots (that did not go with my outfit 🙁 ) that provided a flimsy sense of security in the fact I could squish peoples’ toes? I don’t know! Fear doesn’t make sense like that. I’d heard of someone posting anonymously on neighborhood groups about how there was only ‘woke’ karaoke joints around. I was worried about what we were walking into.
We arrived and were caught up at the door by two tall men in cowboy hats. We hadn’t seen them there before, despite being regulars. Then we took in the room. before us stood a crowd we don’t tend to feel relaxed around. We stood, thankful, as we saw some of our friends who work there. As we approached we saw that people had seemingly divided themselves in the room, one side of the couched area stood..whats that word everyone uses for queer?…flamboyant. And the other was a different vibe, complete with some red caps. As a gender-bendy gent, spent my entire first karaoke song shaking like a leaf! I love singing and moving to music with other people, and, my body was so scared. I basically ran out fully crying and feeling like I could not breath, and had to be supported by my kind girlfriend, outside. While I took long exhales to trigger my brain to turn off.
I came back, triumphantly, to sing some Briston Maronrey (check out the Music page). I felt my body relax and slip into the music. I had practiced it in my car so many times I actually lost count. I saw regulars belt their lungs out. I came to know new folks with hidden talents to hold your attention. (I’m looking at you Calling Baton Rouge!!!) There was so much raw, beautiful, joy and talent that came out of everyone there. I love hearing everyone sing the songs that are special to them and have their moment in the sun. I was around for some performances of carrie underwood, old country, and some songs to make your mimi blush. The entire karaoke section busted out Colt 45…And I realized something. Much like in High School Musical, we’re all in this together. We reflect each other, we can choose to reflect joy and love back out or we can choose to pick at the parts of ourselves that aren’t mint condition! I made the choice to make sure a fellow and his friend got a good video of their last song. And I was surprised by the conversation that found me.
Suddenly I was offering my instagram and website that I hold very dear to someone I’d probably think was gonna hate crime me from first look. I showed up, fully already decided who all these people were and what they were capable of, without even a hello? That didn’t serve me or the community I’m trying to create where I go.
Some folks, including myself, might say “oh no! What if those people took what you had for them and did xyz with it, bet you’d wish you didn’t do that now” jokes on you! That was love. And I can always make more.